i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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