The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
