you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
