my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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