I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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