seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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