She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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