Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
