oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
