its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
