At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
