I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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