I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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