Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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