i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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