we made out on top of his cat.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
