I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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