Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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