Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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