I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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