Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
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