if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
