lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
