How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
