If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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