Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
