next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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