i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
