Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
