Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
