tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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