OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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