there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
