I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
