You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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