i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
