she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
