I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
