i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
