Barsexuality is the new black.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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