Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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