She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
