My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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