dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
