She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
