Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
