Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
