Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
