NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
