I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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