I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I have aggressive nipples.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
