one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
