so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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