You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
